Once again Janet was in bed and wide awake when I got to Connect. This time she was awake not because she wasn’t tired but I think because she was upset. Tez had worked with her at the parallel bars this afternoon and according to Janet it had not gone well and it wasn’t the usual “it was terrible” this was legit “it was bad”. Since she clearly wasn’t going to sleep I suggested she get up and we go find Tez and see if we can help her feel better about it. She agreed and we found Tez in his office. He was really good towards Janet who was awesome in stating her feelings about the workout and it all boiled down to Janet’s lack of confidence preventing her from doing the things she needs to do in order to reach her goal. That goal remains, walking by June, and is totally realistic but Janet needs to buckle down and do lots of difficult and un-fun work. Each time Tez praised her on something she asked him “really?” or would look at me and I would affirm what Tez said. I don’t understand the self doubt, I know it was in her pre aneurysm, but why is it so prominent now and why when she has so much evidence showing her how well she’s doing does she lack confidence to such a degree that she gives a half hearted effort or worse. Tez laid it out on the table for Janet today, work hard or stay in the wheelchair. Janet says she doesn’t want to stay in the wheelchair and it remains to be seen how hard she’s willing to work. If any of you have suggestions as to how to build her confidence and or can spend some time to encourage her please let us know.
Janet felt better after talking to Tez and was able to have a good Skype chat with Heather just before dinner. I had to prompt her occasionally but it was a much better conversation than last time. Based on the Tez talk Janet agreed to a Shuttle session after dinner and did quite well. There was good effort there along with some whining which I don’t think will go away ever and that’s fine as long as the work gets done.
Chelsea invited Janet to help her make chocolate cupcakes this evening and Janet was all over that idea. It was hard and messy work with Janet doing a lot of mixing and reading instructions out loud. It took all evening, right up until bedtime, and was well worth it.
We read some Long Walk to Freedom before Janet fell asleep. She was even asleep as she mumbled goodnight to me. Praying for a night of deep and healing sleep that allows Janet to have a productive and confidence building Friday. We are also praying for John the sing along man as we found out tonight he is in hospital and not doing “particularly well”. We pray for a speedy return to health.